Nothing to Make for Dinner
I was sitting in the waiting room of my doctor’s office with my three year old in tow, when the woman sitting next to me turned and asked me a strange question:
“What do you make for dinner?”
I didn’t quite know how to respond. I didn’t want to have to explain all the various food limitations I have to deal with to a complete stranger. So I simply said, “you are asking the wrong person. We have a lot of food limitations in our family,” and left it at that.
“Oh? That’s perfect! What type of food limitations?” she continued to inquire.
“Well,” I started, knowing that this was about to become a long conversation, “My oldest son is anaphylactic to eggs, my second son is allergic to milk, I am allergic to nuts and seeds, and my daughter has celiac disease.”
I took a deep breath (that is quite a long list!), sat back and waited for this woman’s response. I was expecting surprise, disbelief, and maybe even sympathy.
“Oh, so you can understand my predicament,” she responded.
“What do you mean? Do you also have food allergies in your family?” I asked.
“Not really.” she said. “You see my husband is a vegan and my daughter has Celiac Disease. I can’t make meat, poultry, dairy, or anything with gluten. And my daughter has tested very low on calcium and other crucial vitamins. As I said before, I am at a loss as to what to make for dinner!”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. This poor woman was limited to fruits, vegetables, and gluten-free grains. What can you make for dinner with that? What can you make for lunch, for that matter? My first reaction was surprise and disbelief. Then I shifted into the sympathy stage. But it didn’t stop there. Slowly I started to feel my sympathy for this woman bubble into anger towards her husband.
“I think you should make your husband make his own dinner.” I said.
Here is a child with nutritional deficiencies and he imposes his own idealistic stance on her and her mother, limiting her food intake to apples, oranges, and rice cakes. I have no problem with people who choose to live a vegan or vegetarian lifestyle for health or ideological reasons. In fact, I respect them for it. But I do have a problem with people who impose their choice on others, particularly children with their own severe food limitations.
The woman got called into the doctor’s office. I secretly hoped that the doctor would recommend feeding her child meat, poultry and dairy for dinner.
15 Responsesto “Nothing to Make for Dinner”
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As soon as I read through “I am at a loss as to what to make for dinner!” I thought the same thing. In my house, my child would eat whatever they could, and my husband would make his own dinner.
How incredibly selfish of her husband to impose his beliefs on a child who is already so limited in what she can eat, and honestly, shame on the mother for allowing it.
Hi Jennifer,
I want to offer several comments:
1. Perhaps you and your two sons developed all of these allergies due to non-celiac gluten sensitivity. Maybe gluten caused/is causing a leaky gut for all of you, which allows undigested and partly digested proteins access to the bloodstream. Foreign proteins in one’s circulation will incite immune reactions. Our immune systems don’t differentiate between foreign proteins from foods and foreign proteins in infectious agents.
2. If this woman is feeding her celiac daughter such a limited diet, the girl will soon be sick. This may lead some to conclude that the celiac diagnosis was incorrect.
3. If this woman’s husband is a vegan, he may be trying to act out of concern for animals, or he may incorrectly believe that it will help his health. In either case, it is unfair to be angry with him.
I hope that the doctor told her that her daughter needs meat and poultry. There is a widespread, erroneous belief that a vegan diet is healthy. There are many MDs and dietitians who continue to spread this unfortunate myth.
Best Wishes,
Ron
There is plenty that you can make that is vegan and gluten-free! It’s not just raw fruits, vegetables, and rice cakes!
Don’t forget the many varieties of beans, peas, soy products, lentils, nuts, seeds, dairy equivalents, fungi, sea vegetables, gluten free grains like quinoa, millet, buckwheat, teff, etc. There are so many different kinds of vegetables: starchy root vegetables, dark green leafy, squashes, crucifers, etc.
I don’t know what this mom has been serving, and whether it is nutritionally adequate or not, but the child’s nutritional status is just as likely to be from celiac malabsorption than inadequate intake.
There are plenty of us at the vegan-and-gluten-free yahoogroup and various bloggers across the internet. Some of us even have additional restrictions such as soy, corn, nuts, or all grains, and still manage to provide nourishing meals and nice treats for our families.
Well a vegan diet can be extremely healthy, when dealing with a child, especially one who already has deficiencies, you really have to know what you are doing to ensure the child gets proper nutrition. I agree with you on not forcing your personal choices on to other people. While this woman’s husband may mean well, he really needs to learn more about nutrition and the vegan diet, and talk with his wife to make a joint decision on how to raise their child to ensure that she gets proper nutrition. It wouldn’t hurt the wife to learn a little more about the vegan diet and nutrition, even if she chooses not to eat that way. When you grow up in a meat and potato house, it’s difficult to figure out what to eat when you become a vegetarian/vegan. You get tired of fruit and salad really fast and what else is there? A lot! Even with a ton of limitations there is tons of good, fulfilling foods! Lots of children are raised on a vegan diet and are healthier than a lot of kids who aren’t! Regaurdless what you feed your kids, they need to have balanced nutrition. I also think kids should have some say in what they eat. Growing up I was constantly forced to eat food that made me sick. My mother knew I had issues with certain foods but she let her mother dominate our house and force me to eat meat, dairy, eggs, corn, and wheat, and because of that I ended up with more health problems than I should have! If a child gets sick on certain foods or complains constantly about how their stomach hurts or it feels like there’s food stuck in their throat and it’s hard to breath, believe that child and don’t make them eat that food!
On a final note, if your going to be mad at anybody, be mad at the mother because she allowed the situation to become what it is! If your a mother, your child’s health and safety should be a priority!
Wow, blame the vegan theory employed yet again. Interesting, but not necessarily right. While it is true that you can eat a very unhealthy vegan diet, one devoid of nutritional value, it is equally correct that the standard American diet can be sadly lacking too.
Celiacs can make you very ill with your bodies inability to absorb the nutrients. Leaky gut can bring on new autoimmune diseases and exacerbate your existing ones.
There is no coincidence that an elimination diet employed by doctors to heal you is mostly vegan.
So what to do? Well I’m a vegan, and a celiac and I also don’t eat soy, tree nuts and am nightshade free. Try that on for size.
For the first week it felt very limiting, but as I have collected more and more recipes that are fast, nutritious and delicious, it became easy. I am lucky though because I have been vegan for a long time and so didn’t have to unhinge my mind from a lifetime of thinking one way and one way alone.
But even for meat eaters, it isn’t that hard, nothing and noone has to die for any of the meals that are GF, NSF, TNF, SF and vegan. And no I’m not broke buying stuff or religated to salads and raw fruits. So what is the big deal? Research is key. Research and you will find there are more options out there than you can imagine.
That’s an interesting story. I can understand the woman’s dilemma. I would have a very hard time eating vegan.
Sorry Jen, but I was angry with you after I read this post. It seemed rather uninformed and insensitive to me. There are plenty of foods to make with fruits, vegetables and gf grains… not everyone has to eat a SAD diet.
I agree with pdw, a vegetarian or vegan diet isn’t as horrible as it is made to sound, plenty of us do it every day, and healthily, at that!
But the mother also needs to take responsibility. She is merely shifting the blame to her husband and not taking responsibility for the situation. She and her husband obviously need to have long discussion about how to tackle this but that’s between she and him. A little education could go a long way. Maybe he doesn’t understand celiac disease, maybe she doesn’t understand vegan fully. They need to educate themselves – there are plenty of resources out there of how to do both.
I think it’s interesting to note that she said her husband was vegan, and not herself. I myself can understand some of where vegans come from, but really humans were well, built to eat, and digest meat. We have not only the teeth for it, but the digestive system designed specifically to get the most protein, amino acids, and some other nutrients from it. So to be vegan can be difficult to get what you need to thrive from elsewhere. I say if the mother isn’t vegan, she ought to cook how she wants, and feed her daughter in a way she knows how, for the girl can thrive. I can understand she probably wants to make her husband happy, but sometimes you should stick to your gut instinct, and who you are. However if she really wants to be vegan herself, she ought to see a nutritionist who can help her create a menu plan of sorts for food for not only the daughter (though especially so) but for the whole family to follow so that they ALL do well health, and diet wise. But if she wants to cook meat, well then the husband should deal with it, as he doesn’t have to eat it himself. His kid’s health ought to come first, y’know?
I have to say, that after reading the comments about dairy and meat being what that child needs, I would have to respectfully ask the mother to evaluate, rather than just go ahead. I have celiac as well as both my children. Now, after having no meat or dairy and no eggs for a year, my children are no longer catching every cold or sickness going around! They are at the top of their charts in height and weight, energetic, and best of all no stomach aches, rashes and sleepless nights! What do we eat? Vegetables, especially greens, fruits, rice, quinoa, beans . .my children think that cucmbers and humous are the perfect snack and get excited when I make a blueberry kale smoothie. Granted, they like these foods because there is no pain associated with them, as well as tasting good. It wasn’t until we got rid of all animal products, sugar, processed foods that no more reactions happened.(we did it slowly, getting rid of one thing at a time, because I still thought like so many, that we NEEDED those things for nutrition) Many people look at us and say how sorry they are that we cannot eat the Standard American Diet–we look on it as a blessing! May others realize that vegan does not always mean carbs–it can mean healthy life! Once I was a reluctant vegan, but now I embrace it all the way!
I certainly didn’t mean to insult vegan or disparage the vegan diet when I posted this story. I agree that it is possible to eat a healthy vegan celiac diet if someone is responsible and consults a dietitian or the available literature on the subject. The sense I got from this mother was that her husband was a vegan, not her, and that she was completely lost as to what to feed her child. I was annoyed at the father because he seemed to be dragging his family into his vegan world kicking and screaming. If the mother and the child willingly accept the vegan diet and do it in a responsible way, they are to be commended for it. But if the mother doesn’t want it and the child (who undoubtedly can sense her mother’s hesitation) doesn’t want it, then why force it on a child who is so limited to begin with?
Furthermore, I don’t doubt that delicious healthy alternatives to gluten and dairy and meat can be found, but this is a child who has to grow up amongst friends without these limitations. If the dairy and the meat don’t affect her health (obviously if it does she shouldn’t eat it!) then why force her to be so completely different from her friends? She already has to contend with the celiac disease, why impose more limitations on her? Many of you have rsponded that vegetables, sea weed, and gluten free grains make for some great snacks and they probably do, but why should this child ALWAYS have to be eating something different from her friends? If you don’t think that affects kids, you are fooling yourselves. I grew up with severe food allergies, and I know what that feels like.
Again, I don’t mean to disparage veganism. So few people actually actually act on their ideals and vegans have altered their lifestyles based on them. I think it is incredible. The question is do we need to impose this lifestyle on an unwilling family or a child with severe food limitations?
Julie and I had this discussion a day or two after the incident in the blog and I have to say I came out strongly on the other side of the argument, like so many of you. I myself have gone on a vegan diet at one point in my life and I found plenty to eat that was healthy and delicious. But I do think it is important to hear both sides of the issue and I thank Julie for bringing it up as a discussion so that we can have a public debate and learn about the other side. As far as this mother is concerned I think she needs to discuss the diet with a dietitian and make an informed decision.
Interesting thoughts and perspective. Our family is veg*n, thus, we don’t eat animal products. Ten years ago my husband was diagnosed with celiac disease, and there have probably been times I have felt like telling him that he should just cook for himself, but of course I would never do that! A family is teamwork — dietary restrictions — for religious, health, or other reasons — are valid. There’s a WEALTH of delicious, easy to prepare, and filling foods out there for celiacs and vegans. The options are limitless! Education is the key here — not invalidating the husband’s decision to be vegan. I know the lady you talked to was probably feeling very overwhelmed and I hope she finds resources and information soon to help her out.
LaTeaDah
I have done some massive research for the past month, and have gone from a MEAT consumption diet, (LOTS of meat and dairy) to a vegan one. I am noticing so many good healthy changes in my body, that I cannot even begin to list them all. From the feel of my skin, my eyes, my energy level, even my outlook on life is more positive. And, think about it, was it the husband who had nutrient deficiencies, or was it the daughter??? Maybe the mom needs to learn what vegan foods can help her daughter. Also, do research into Omega 7 and how you can get it from Sea Buckthorn Seed Oil. Omega 7 helps heal Irritated bowel syndrome, leaky gut, ulcers, etc. It is a very essential fatty acid we need, and might help.
I know this is way late, but I just wanted to add that in the initial conversation the mom was looking for meal ideas to serve everyone in her house. She stated that her husband was vegan and her daughter had celiac disease. She never said that she fed her daughter a vegan diet. Maybe she is, I don’t know, and if she is many people made wonderful suggestions on how to deal with those dietary restrictions. I am a vegan and my husband eats meet, our children are vegetarian. My daughter also has sensitivities to dairy, soy, eggs, peanuts and wheat (this is brand new information to me so if anyone has any suggestions they would be much appreciated!). But perhaps the mother feeds her daughter dairy and such at breakfast and lunch and is only looking for dinner ideas to please the whole family so she doesn’t have to make several dinners….just a thought.